Content Warning: this article contains information about mental health which may be distressing or triggering.
As a parent myself, I understand that it's heartbreaking to discover that your child is struggling with thoughts of suicide. I'm here to offer you support and the tools you need to navigate this incredibly challenging time. Helping your child starts with recognising the warning signs, knowing the immediate steps to take, and seeking professional help.
Understanding Suicidal Thoughts in Children
Recognise the Signs:
Withdrawing from others
Self-harming
Making statements like “I’d like to go to sleep and never wake up” or “I wish I wasn’t here”
Talking about feeling worthless, hopeless, alone, being a burden to others, or having no reason to live
Discussing death or suicide, even in a joking manner
Experiencing dramatic mood changes, including sudden happiness
Losing interest in activities they used to enjoy
Giving away possessions or saying goodbye
Posting about death, dying, suicide, self-harm, "kms," or "unalive myself" on social media
Increasing drug or alcohol use or engaging in other risky behaviours
Having access to means to end their life, such as medication or weapons
Neglecting school work with statements like, “There’s no point”
Common Causes:
Bullying
Discrimination
Suicide of someone known to your child – like a friend or peer
A life-changing event, like a breakup, job loss, academic disappointment
Self-harm,
Loss of a loved one,
Experiencing violence or abuse,
Discrimination, rejection or hostility due to sexual or gender identity
Recognising the signs of suicidal thoughts in children is the crucial first step. Keep an eye out for drastic changes in behaviour, mood swings, withdrawal from social activities, and any talk about death or self-harm. These signs can be triggered by factors such as bullying, trauma, or underlying mental health issues. Your awareness and attentiveness can make all the difference in supporting your child through this challenging time. Trust your instincts—if something feels off, it's important to seek help right away.
How to support a suicidal Teenager Fortunately, there is hope: communication is the most effective means of preventing suicide. Reach out to a GP, psychologist, or counsellor as soon as possible to get professional support. There are also 24/7 crisis services available, such as the Kids Helpline (scroll to the bottom for a list of resources). Speaking candidly and working together to determine the best course of action when a teenager is actively considering suicide can significantly contribute to their safety. Here are some things to say and do:
Listen without judgment: Create a safe space for them to express their feelings. Show your interest by asking open questions, such as, “What’s been going on?” or “You’re not in trouble. Can we talk about what’s been happening for you? I’d like to understand and support you.” This approach encourages open communication and shows your willingness to listen and help.
Acknowledge their pain: Let them know you understand and that their feelings are valid.
Ask directly about suicide: Don’t be afraid to ask if they are thinking about harming themselves. It's important not to shy away from addressing the topic directly. Ask if they are thinking about harming themselves. You might say something like, “I want to ask you something important. Are you having thoughts about hurting yourself or suicide?” By being direct, you create an opportunity for honest conversation and demonstrate your willingness to support them through difficult emotions.
Reassure them: Emphasise that help is available and that things can get better. It's crucial to reassure your child that they are not alone and that support is within reach. Let them know that help is available and that things can improve. You might say something like, “I understand this is a tough time, but I want you to know that we can get through this together. There are people who care about you and are ready to help. Let's work together to find the support you need to feel better.” By emphasising the availability of assistance and expressing confidence in their ability to overcome challenges, you offer hope and encouragement during a difficult period.
Stay with them: If you believe your child is in immediate danger, it's crucial to stay with them to ensure their safety. Let them know that you are there for them and that they are not alone in facing their struggles. You might say something like, “I'm here with you, and I'm not going anywhere. Your safety is my priority right now.” By remaining present and attentive, you provide comfort and support during a vulnerable moment. If necessary, stay by their side until you can seek professional help or ensure they are out of harm's way. Your presence can make a significant difference in their well-being and help them feel less isolated during a crisis.
Develop a Safety Plan: Work Together for Protection
Creating a safety plan with your child is an essential step to ensure their well-being during difficult times. Together, you can develop a plan that includes several key components:
Remove Means of Self-Harm: Identify and remove any items that could be used for self-harm or suicide, such as medications, sharp objects, or firearms. Ensuring a safe environment is crucial for their protection.
Identify Supportive People: Help your child identify trusted individuals they can reach out to for support, such as family members, friends, teachers, or mental health professionals. Encourage them to maintain regular contact with these individuals and to reach out when they need assistance.
Develop Coping Strategies: Work together to identify coping strategies that can help your child manage difficult emotions and situations. This may include practising relaxation techniques, engaging in enjoyable activities, or seeking professional support through therapy or counselling.
Create a Crisis Plan: Outline specific steps to take in case of a crisis, such as contacting a mental health hotline, visiting an emergency room, or reaching out to a trusted adult for assistance. Make sure your child knows how to access help quickly and efficiently during times of distress.
Regularly Review and Update the Plan: Revisit the safety plan regularly to ensure it remains relevant and effective. Encourage open communication with your child about any changes or challenges they may be experiencing, and be prepared to adjust the plan as needed to meet their evolving needs.
By working together to develop a comprehensive safety plan, you can empower your child to navigate difficult emotions and situations while ensuring their safety and well-being.
Manage Your Own Feelings
Discovering that your child is suicidal can be overwhelming, and it’s normal to experience a range of emotions. Your feelings are valid and real, and you deserve care and support as well. It's okay to take some time to process everything. Aim to remain calm and supportive when talking to your child. Remember, your role is to be their parent, not an expert. By seeking information and support, you are already taking important steps to help your child.
Acknowledge Your Emotions: Recognise that discovering your child is struggling with suicidal thoughts can evoke a range of feelings, including shock, fear, and sadness.
Validate Your Feelings: Understand that your emotions are valid and deserving of attention and support. Give yourself permission to feel what you're feeling without judgment.
Take Time to Process: It's okay to take some time to process your emotions and gather yourself before engaging with your child. Allow yourself the space to cope with the situation at your own pace.
Stay Calm and Supportive: When interacting with your child, aim to maintain a calm and supportive presence. Your reassurance and understanding can provide them with much-needed comfort and stability.
Remember Your Role: While it's natural to want to solve the problem immediately, remind yourself that your primary role is to be a supportive parent, not an expert. It's okay to seek guidance and support from professionals.
Seek Information and Support: Take proactive steps to educate yourself about suicidal behaviour and seek support from trusted sources, such as mental health professionals or the support groups listed below. By seeking help, you're taking important steps to support your child effectively.
Resources
Call Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800 (for young people up to the age of 25)
Call the Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467 (for people over the age of 15)
Make an appointment to see a GP, psychologist or counsellor
Give Parentline a call in your local State or Territory - you deserve support too! Parentline (State or Territory dependent) may even be able to offer you further strategies and ideas on how to support your young person.
Find more digital services and resources at Head to Health
References
Kids Helpline. (2024, April 12). Supporting a child who is thinking of suicide. https://kidshelpline.com.au/parents/issues/supporting-child-who-thinking-suicide
